A Letter to my soul on my Wedding Day!
கருணைக் கடலே !
உன் கண்களில் தான் எத்துனை அன்பு, கனிவு,பரிவு, பாசம். இப்படி ஒரு பெண்மணியை காண்பதரிது.
I love you; I adore you, My dear Viji!
Why I am now writing to you? Really, I do not know.
I can’t speak to you; you can’t reply either. But I wish all these things to happen.
The pity is, I cannot even talk about you, with anybody; 26th May , is our wedding day!
It is natural that you are not so important to others; You slowly vanished from many others’ mind. Ungratefulness is the order of day. But I cannot and would not do that for you.
Writing to you is the only option left to me ;
You will like it;
Writing to you makes me warm all over inside me.
I know People around me, may as usual curse me; I am doing some non-sense thing; As usual I won’t bother. But I want to tell you Viji, I love you.
Exactly the same day May- 26, 1976, I was fortunate and lucky enough that you held my hand as a -life partner. I believed that we will never be separated; childish! Now, you left me leaving me alone in this world.
I recall our days!
Those were not like a Bollywood or Tamil movies.
Many a times we fought;
We disputed over many things;
We shouted at each other.
But we never felt that we lost our love.
You were the brain behind all the events in our life.
You were “idea-woman” and general instigator.
Every second, we loved and liked to take care of each other.
I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me.
I am doing the rituals for you. A monthly ritual means a lot to me; I never liked to explore the meaning of the mantras’ and procedures.
As for as myself is concerned those rituals are like
like placing your head on my lap and feeding you.
When you were in bad health, you worried because you could not give me anything that you wanted to you and really thought I was in need of some thing. Just as I told then, there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways and depths.
And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now, yet I love you so that you stand with me in the rest of my life . You are dead, but you are so much better than anyone else alive. Yes... it is true you dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.
You left me; Yet are so real to me.
My Sweet heart! Today is our Wedding Day. I love you.
I remember the 2013 wedding day;
We celebrated the day with all our grandchildren.
I did not even imagine that would be our last wedding day.
No logical thinking! But, I wish God could have been still more merciful on you.
You are a great soul.
You were made of love, affection, kindness, magnanimity and what not?
You never hesitated to help others.
You were the king, queen, minister, Guru and a faithful worker.
Our family is cursed not to have an angel like you.
A prayer to you.
Please bless those who have ill treated you and now humiliating me. Don’t curse anybody. Let all live happily.
Because I know you love me, wherever you are.
You needn’t have worried. I am learning to be realistic, hard minded and evenmore matured.
Never think we did not care you enough!
We did, what humanly can possible;
but God had the last Lough!
If God do not have other plans, I will write to you again!!